It's that time of year when families come together to celebrate — or argue — over the holiday dinner table.
Experts say it's normal for this season to bring unique challenges with loved ones, but there are ways to cope with these stresses and make it through.
"While the holidays are often marketed as a very happy time to gather with family, this is not always the case," says a licensed marriage and family therapist. "There are multiple challenges that families can face, and these challenges may be amplified around the holiday season where there is pressure to be 'happy.'"
To help you handle what may arise during your family gatherings this season, we asked therapists the most common issues they see and how to navigate them.
Unmet expectations
One of the biggest issues therapists see around the holidays revolves around expectations.
"Feeling the pressure for the holiday season to be perfect or different from the usual family gatherings is completely normal," says a mental health expert.
Tips for handling the stress: The expert recommends having open and honest conversations with yourself and the people around you.
"Instead of expecting your family members to behave differently just because it's the holidays, accept that they will likely be the same as usual. This way, you can prepare yourself for what's to come," explains the expert. "By managing your expectations, you can avoid disappointment and have more control over the outcome."
Dealing with logistical challenges
Trying to please everyone and juggling complicated schedules can be extremely challenging, especially when dealing with blended or large extended families.
"Running around and dealing with the stress of the holiday season can take away from the enjoyment," says the expert.
Tips for handling the stress: The expert suggests mentally preparing yourself to stay calm.
"While there will always be things out of our control that we can't prepare for, being more expectant of what's to come can make it easier," says the expert.
Rusty relationships
Interactions with extended or estranged family members around the holidays can also cause stress.
"For many people, it's the one time a year that they see these family members," says a therapist.
How to navigate: Don't be afraid to take the space you need, the therapist says, adding that you can also focus on other people.
"Put your energy towards engaging with those who are not as estranged or stress you out as much," she suggests.
Before entering these situations, remember it's likely not the time to rehash old (or even current) problems. Instead, prepare to "just be cordial," the therapist advises.
"Just because it's holiday time and families around, it doesn't mean that you have any obligations towards reconciling things that you're not ready to reconcile," she says.
Uncomfortable questions
Family members who are relentless in inquiring about our love lives, careers or life decisions can bring additional discomfort to the holidays.
"This can especially be the case if any family members disagree about certain directions their loved ones have taken and have no problem with sharing that perspective with them," says another person.
How to navigate: Boundaries can play a key role here, the person says.
If setting boundaries with your family proves to be difficult, there are other strategies you can try. Mairanz recommends redirecting or responding vaguely to unwanted questions or unsolicited advice. Instead of getting into an argument, just respond to what the person is saying without engaging in further discussion.
Political polarization
The holidays can also bring about uncomfortable conversations, particularly when it comes to politics and values. With the recent Election Day and the upcoming presidential race in 2024, disagreements and discomfort may arise among family members.
How to navigate: If you prefer to avoid political discussions at family gatherings, it is perfectly acceptable to communicate this ahead of time and ask your family members to respect your decision, suggests Stockard.
If your request is not respected before a gathering, you have the option to not attend. If a boundary is crossed during the event, you can decide whether or not to participate in the conversation and restate your boundary.
