Imagine this: You're on a first date, everything seems perfect — the conversation flows, the laughter comes easy and there's an undeniable spark. It's exactly these intoxicating first encounters, best-selling author and dating coach Matthew Hussey warns, is the riskiest moment when it comes to dating.
"The moment we decide we like someone is the most dangerous moment in our dating lives because it is precisely the moment we are most liable to give up our standards with that person," he said.
He describes this as a critical point where single people are prone to abandoning their standards, particularly after a long search for companionship.
"When an internal culture of anxiety and fear that is never going to happen for us meets an external dating culture of people giving the minimum possible amount to you and taking all they can get. That creates a recipe for us lowering our standards at precisely the time we should be raising," Hussey said.
Falling fast could sink your standards
Matthew Hussey, known for hosting the popular podcast "Love Life with Matthew Hussey" and creating engaging YouTube videos, delves into the topic of dating in his latest book, "Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily — No Matter What."
He challenges individuals to uphold high standards even when faced with the temptation to settle for less in the face of romantic interest.
"When we first meet someone and feel like we had an epic date or an amazing connection, it's a reason to be hopeful. However, at the beginning of a relationship, we don't truly know who the other person is. It's important to remind ourselves of this distinction. We may be measuring the impact of the moment, but character takes time to reveal," Hussey emphasized.
Navigating early romance
Hussey also stresses the significance of maintaining personal identity at the onset of a romantic relationship, even when things seem promising.
He recommends sticking to one's regular routine, pursuing personal interests, and making time for friends, even amidst the excitement of a new relationship.
"If you suddenly make them your sole focus, it can create a sense of dependency. You should always be prepared to lose someone, and paradoxically, this mindset can actually strengthen the bond," he explained.
This approach can help prevent relationships from becoming the sole focus of one's identity and happiness.
Mastering the Art of Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships
In the realm of relationships, the idea of "red flags" has gained significant popularity. It is noted that the current dating culture tends to err on the side of caution, with individuals interpreting almost any characteristic or action as a potential signal of trouble.
Delving into this topic, it is highlighted that many individuals enjoy discussing red flags as they reflect on their past experiences and wonder, "What signs did I overlook?" However, fixating on these warning signals can lead to adopting a detective-like approach to dating, which may hinder the ability to be fully present in the moment.
Instead of becoming overly consumed with identifying red flags, it is advised to place trust in one's own instincts and capability to step away from a situation if needed.
The emphasis is placed on self-trust and the importance of believing in one's capacity to exit a relationship when faced with concerning indicators. By cultivating this self-assurance, the incessant hunt for red flags diminishes, as individuals are confident in their ability to make choices that align with their well-being.
Embracing Personal Contentment in Relationships
Many individuals express concerns about the idea of settling in relationships. There is a common fear among daters that committing to someone may result in later regret if they come across someone they perceive as better. Some individuals hastily enter into new relationships within a short period after ending a previous one out of a fear of being alone. While this may appear to be a quick fix, it is argued that genuine happiness in a relationship stems from being content with oneself.
The notion that one must achieve complete fulfillment on their own before finding happiness with a partner is challenged. Instead, it is suggested that personal contentment plays a crucial role in the success of a relationship.
According to one perspective, the key lies in learning to be happy enough to confidently say no to the wrong opportunities. By being true to oneself and cultivating personal contentment, individuals are better equipped to recognize and embrace the right opportunities when they arise.
