It all had the makings of a classic Christmas crisis: Neal Gorenflo was in his mid-40s living in Northern California, building his start-up nonprofit organization, and he was overworked, stressed out and fed up with the materialism – and massive expense– of the holiday season.
He wanted to explode in frustration, he said.
At the same time, he was getting more "civically involved in his community" and he started thinking about how this time of the year could be more of an opportunity for families to think about how to give back.
After speaking with his then-girlfriend, now wife, an admittedly self-righteous Gorenflo blasted out an email to his family who live spread across the country "bashing Christmas and the gift giving," and asking to stop giving presents and instead give to charity.
The response wasn't positive, he said. His family felt he had attacked a "cherished institution," and "it was hard to stop presents coming to children."
However, after a conversation with his father, a retired Navy captain, the Gorenflo family made a decision. They would email each other their passionate causes and then individually decide on a donation. The only condition was that they could still give presents to the children.
They called this process a "donation chain" and every holiday season, they send out requests to their immediate and extended family.
"You don't have to be a millionaire"
The Gorenflos are part of a growing group – two out of three Americans – who plan to give back this holiday season. In recent years, spending during the holiday season has increased, with the average shopper spending $975 – a $100 increase from last year – on gifts, according to a 2023 survey by Gallup. The largest increase in holiday shopping was seen among middle-income families and young people.
A recent survey by Fidelity Charitable found that 54% of parents said that starting a family increased the priority of giving in their lives, with 82% of those parents saying that children had an influential impact on the types or numbers of organizations they support.
"You don't have to be a millionaire to support the causes you care about," said Amy Pirozzolo, head of donor engagement at Fidelity Charitable, in an interview with CBS News.
Pirozzolo recommends that families take some simple steps towards giving during the holiday season. This includes volunteering as a family, discussing service projects or ideas, or giving together.
It's crucial for families to have discussions about charitable giving and view it as an important aspect of their lives, according to an expert. As a result of these conversations, there has been a noticeable shift among the next generation of philanthropists from "charitable giving to charitable living," says Pirozzolo.
"Leading with compassion"
Dr. James Doty, a professor of neurosurgery at Stanford University and the founder and director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, finds this idea appealing. He believes that as spending increases, people are becoming more isolated and stressed. A recent survey revealed that 61% of adult U.S. workers reported feeling lonely, a significant increase from 2018. Another survey found that the pursuit of material wealth often leads to loneliness and isolation.
Growing up in extreme poverty, Doty understands firsthand the power of compassion and giving to others. He asserts that true happiness comes from acts of kindness rather than material possessions. Doty says, "Not everyone will live in a big mansion or drive a Ferrari or Porsche." He further emphasizes that striving for success as a measure of happiness can actually lead to unhappiness. Through his experiences and research, Doty has learned that "true satisfaction" comes from serving others and finding purpose.
Doty recommends that families lead by example, as children often adopt their parents' perspectives. He believes that exposing children to the concept of giving at an early age increases the likelihood that they will become givers themselves.
According to Doty, there are various ways to show charitable intentions without giving money. One of these ways is simply being kind to others, which Doty believes is a powerful act.
Continuing the Tradition
Gorenflo shared that the donation chain has allowed him to learn more about his family over the past 20 years. He discovered the passions that drive his siblings, parents, cousins, and extended family. The act of giving has brought them closer together.
One year, Gorenflo donated money to his neighbor's family, who had two children with muscular dystrophy. Through his older brother, who is a retired Navy commander, he gained insight into the Navy by donating to the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. The family also provided assistance to an old neighbor who was struggling after Hurricane Katrina.
Gorenflo also mentioned that his family has gained a deeper understanding of his work in the not-for-profit sector as the former CEO of Shareable, an organization that promotes resource sharing.
Together, Gorenflo estimates that his family has raised over $10,000 for various charities.
In 2023, a father had a goal to inspire his 13-year-old son to choose a charity. To determine his son's interests, the father asked him about the causes he cared about. Without hesitation, the son replied with a single word - food. With aspirations of becoming a chef, the son expressed his desire to help feed hungry people.
Together, the father and son selected a charity to support. Their request will be included in the 2023 donation chain.
